"Hair is everything." Fleabag

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Not everyone loses their hair, it depends on which chemo you’re on. If you do, I’m here to tell you that the fear of losing it, is so much worse than when it happens. The anticipation is mad. 

You can cold cap to delay it, more on that next, but if you end up on the strong chemo, which many young women with breast cancer do because our shitty disease is usually more aggressive and if you’re healthy you can probably tolerate it and it’s more likely to get rid of the stupid tumour, the cold cap eventually may not work. 

So long story short, you might be losing those lovely locks. But it'll be back. And you are going to be absolutely fine.

You might be advised to cut your hair short,  to get used to seeing yourself with less hair in case it comes out. I didn't care about that, so I luxuriated in my longer hair for as long as possible. Then I had to get a major chop, because it got caught in the velcro of the cold cap and matted. So that's another reason to cut it a bit shorter.

"Scalp cooling" sounds so innocuous and benign. I'm just going to cool my. head a bit over here, k? It should more factually be called "freezing the fucking head off yourself." 

If you decide to try and scalp cool, to keep your hair for longer, good for you, it works and the nurses helping you with it will be amazing. 

Some things to remember - take the paracetamol they give you 30 mins before. The first 20 mins of it are the worst, so if you can get past that, you're golden. Make sure it's tight enough to touch your head all over (if it's not touching, it's not working), but not so tight it's unbearable before you even start. I accidentally got a size too small one time and I felt like my head was in a vice. Because I'm a stubborn bitch I wouldn't take it off, but I mainly shallow-breathed and stared into middle distance for the best part of 3 hours fantasising about unscrewing my head for some relief.

If you try it and can't do it, it's not a failure. Depending on your treatment, your hair might fall out eventually anyway, you're only delaying the inevitable. If you manage it for a few sessions and have to bail, give yourself props, it'll help with regrowth. 

At some point in this journey, delaying the inevitable may feel like your new full time job. When you're not physically taking action to keep your hair, you're probably searching the internet for woo-woo tips, products to help or thinking about it. 

Whilst I am no expert, if something you could buy on the internet for £30 stopped your hair from falling out, there would be no industry for male-pattern baldness. So respectfully, I don't think there is anything you can buy that would be worth it.

Here are some free or very cheap things that might help, whether you are scalp cooling or not.

Messing about with your hair as little as possible is going to help you keep it. Stop blow-drying, straightening and tonging it. Wash and brush it less frequently. Cut it shorter to help maintenance. Deal with greasiness by dabbling with hairbands and hats. You can get a silk pillow to avoid friction when you sleep that can make it fall out, but that can be spendy. If you already own a silk scarf, or can get one in a charity shop or pre-loved clothes app, just put that on top of your pillow, it does the same job.

When clumps of hair start coming off after a shower, or when you brush it, or when you wake up in the morning it's absolutely and totally bonkers. I don't care if you've read about it here or somewhere else and you think you're going to be cool with it. It's expected, yes? You're prepared for it, right? Wrong

Acknowledging it's mad and traumatising helps. You are are experiencing something that isn't just about your hair, but it's about a physical manifestation of your breast cancer.

Whilst I'm telling you it's bonkers, it is equally absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. LOOK AT THIS you can proudly proclaim to your loved ones as you clutch a handful of hair.

My kneejerk reaction on starting treatment was to get a wig. A hairy comfort blanket and antidote to my nightmares of being bald as an egg and having to explain my cancer to neighbours and acquaintances.

Buy cheap, buy twice I was advised. Which was absolutely the right advice from well meaning experts. But I now have better advice.

Buy cheap first to make sure you want to wear a wig, and if you do, then buy a more realistic expensive one, if you have the means and want to.

It turns out, my expensive wig made me feel more cancer-y than turbans and hats. I literally never wore it out.

You might get one, bloody fabulous, human hair wig that costs a bomb, makes you feel like you and rock it every day. 

You might get a heap of cheap, fun wigs that mean you can accessorise every outfit with a different colour and length.

You might get some turbans, a classic block colour for round the house and some jazzy ones for going out.

You might be a beanie girl, Keeping warm and looking cool. 

Your best mate might get her sister in law to knit you a tit hat, and you might wear that about.

Do what makes you feel like your authentic self in this new landscape of weirdness.

If you have time before starting chemo, get your eyebrows microbladed. Check with your medical team but the advice I got was they need to be done 10 days before you start chemo, to allow them to heal and ensure there is no potential I for infection. Even if you only have time for one session (most will do two, one later to fill in gaps) it’s worth doing, so you have a place marker for filling in your brows with make up. 

If you don’t have time, don’t stress. Take a heap of photos from all angles to be able to draw them on where they used to be. 

Maybe you don’t care about brows, in which case, go off queen. Just tell people you’re emulating Bella Hadid in Versace F/W 2022.

More important to your day to day life than eyebrows, for keeping dust and wind and crap out of your eyeballs, but less visible to others. 

You can carefully put eyeliner on your lids to create definition, but be super careful because your eyes will be really sensitive. Use something water based and make sure you have a gentle eye make up remover to get it off.

I didn’t bother with this, before they all fell out I was too worried about them coming out more quickly when I removed eye make-up. Then when they started falling out my eyes were too sensitive to put anything on them. 

For the first time in my life I was grateful for wearing glasses. I put my eyebrows and glasses on and I felt like that defined my face enough.

If you're a legend with 20/20 vision, you could try a frame with just glass in and see if it helps.

OK listen babes, real talk, you might look a bit startling without any make up on for a short little while. The hairs on your face give you definition and features that you are so used to seeing when you look in a mirror, that you don't even notice them anymore.

When they drop out, you might feel that you look like a big toe or a little mole. Titivate yourself when you go out or when you're having a day that you feel low. But also, acknowledge how weird and bizarre it is, and if you can laugh about it, all the better.

I LOOK LIKE A THUMB I screamed at my sister, when I caught sight of my reflection in a window on a day I couldn't be arsed doing anything with face. God, you really do, was her response. I nearly choked on my spit I laughed so much.

So maybe school your friends to help you out on these days. A well timed "wow, so many people could look really look like a huge egg with no hair at all, but somehow you manage to make it look fabulous and chic" would work a treat.

FINALLY, a silver lining to this dumpster fire of a situation. Whilst all of your other hair falling out is a source of stress, there is great news. The hairs on your legs, armpits and bush also all fall out. 

No shaving, waxing, epilating, lasering or tweezing needed for a little while. This is where we make our money back, baddies. 

It does mean that places we usually have hair to absorb sweat aren't there at all any more, in a way that you might not have experienced as a grown up, unless you are lasered like a dolphin.

Have a look at the skin section to make sure you're taking care of yourself in these lovely regions. 

As a younger queen going through this shit, you’re probably on Zoladex or something similar to suppress your ovaries and protect you from going into early menopause. Between that and your hair growing back post-chemo, you may end up with a face like a peach. This is entirely normal.

I can literally comb the long fine white hairs at the side of my face. I have pat them back into  after I pull a jumper over my head. I’m not going to do anything about it until I finish treatment. It might all fall out, or I might look like Santa Claus eventually. I don’t fucking know. 

Anyway, it’s super normal apparently, so don’t stress. By this stage your eyebrows and lashes will have grown back, so just luxuriate in having them back.