Finding out this terrifyingly shit news is bonkers. Your brain is trying to process something of a magnitude you might never have experienced before. You might feel worse than when Take That split up, or Footballers Wives was cancelled. Sorry! I'm just preparing you. However you are feeling - devastated, numb, emotional, fine - *I'M FINE* - please be kind to yourself, give yourself some time to process and, for the love of all that is holy...
My oncologist told me this in one of our earliest meetings. He said so much information online is out of date, as treatments are progressing every day. I'm not banning you for using search engines for looking up that woman in that show that you're sure was in something you saw 10 years ago, that's fine. Do that. But please don't spiral searching for survival rates and doomscrolling. It might feel like you're taking action in the moment, but then it leaves you feeling worse.
Telling people you love. Or just anyone really.
It's so bloody draining. There is no manual, but do what feels right for you regarding who you tell and when. Check in on your energy levels and ability to have those chats. Tell people in stages or waves, or you might not want to tell anyone at all. It's your thing. If anyone gets pissy about not being told, or being told after someone else in your life, they are so not the people you need right now. Let that go.
After you find out the shitty news, you'll have a million appointments, scans, bloods and chats as they work out the best plan for you. Have a think about if you want to know everything that is happening, or if you just want to know enough to get on with it. If you want to know everything, ask questions. I must have said "why are you doing that?", "what does that mean", "can you explain that?" about 40 times. There are no silly questions.
Depending on the type of breast cancer you have, you might be in for a bit of a shitty titty marathon, not a sprint. Have a think about what support you might need, if you want your partner, mum, pals to come to chemo with you for example or how people in your life might be able to help you juggle treatment and your schedule. Don't feel bad about changing your mind on this either.
You may not be someone who has never 'journalled' but you might find it helpful to start. Don't put pressure on yourself, but you'll probably need to write notes on meds and side effects, so why not bang down how you're feeling and what is going down at the time. It can be cathartic to look back on. Take photos too. Just for yourself. You might feel shit, but then when you turn a corner you can look back with pride about what a badass you are.